Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize