but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
