i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I FOUND THE LEGS
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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