What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
