Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
