doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
