I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
