Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
pray to the hookup gods
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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