You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
