Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
