I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
