9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
