just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
