Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
