Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
