I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
