i permit you to call me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
