She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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