Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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