worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
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