I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
