Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
