I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
