That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
