I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
