you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
