I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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