I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
