I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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