There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think your dad took our porno
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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