bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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