is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
