I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
