Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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