Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
