Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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