Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
