I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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