I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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