it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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