Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
