I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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