i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
