worst night to have a conscience
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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