textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
