well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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