hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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