Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
