I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
