I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
