ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
