I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
