The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
