every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
